Secret Military Unit Ordered to Kill the Public Option

By Dirt Diver on February 19, 2010

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Update: President Obama released his health care plan today and…no public option.  Looks like the secret mission worked.  Blogs like Greg Sargent’s Plum Line still cling to the rumor that the public option has a pulse, but Sargent’s been trying to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to the public option for some time now.

President Barack Obama today ordered a top secret military unit to “terminate the public option with extreme prejudice,” after several blogs and news outlets reported that the long-dead health care concept was again threatening to annihilate the Democratic majority in Congress, and possibly even limit the President to one term in office.

Pentagon officials refused to acknowledge both the executive order and the existence of a top secret unit that specializes in eliminating threats that are notoriously hard to kill.  But a former Navy SEAL and Blackwater Security official now under indictment for killing terrorists without a license in Iraq agreed to speak on background with Dirt Diver about the special unit.

“The guys in this special unit are experts at killing things that don’t bleed…know what I mean?”

When pressed for an explanation, the Blackwater consultant just shook his head and said, “I’ve seen a lot of tough hombres in a lot of really crappy parts of the world.  Al Qaeda in Yemen?  Tough.  Believe me.  Contras in Nicaragua? Wicked.  But this public option thing?  It’s scary.  It really is.  The President was told several times that it was dead.  But it’s not.  It’s time to bring out the serious hardware, right?  I mean…ka-booom!  Ya know?  Right?”

The Diver has also confirmed that after signing Excutive Order No. 187, the President then reportedly demanded that aides classify the order as Top Secret.

“Obviously the President wants his liberal base to believe he supports this thing,” said a White House official who requested anonymity because he was not authorized to acknowledge the existence of the secret military unit. “But the Public Option has become an albatross.  It’s like we’re trying to swim across the ocean to get to the island of health care reform.  But our crazy liberal friends want us to swim while carrying this cement block labeled ‘public option.’  But we can’t do it.  It’s too heavy.  We just want to let the stupid thing sink quietly to a watery grave, ya know?”

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Anatomy of a Media Assassination Plot

By Dirt Diver on February 19, 2010

The New York Times is following the typical pattern of political assassination by newspaper with their treatment of David Paterson.  Over the past week or so, the paper has published (or was rumored to publish, which is even worse), no less than three stories about New York Governor David Paterson.

Before we get too deep into this, the Diver is not defending David Paterson.  The thrust of this post is to shed light on the tactics that the media uses to assassinate the character of a candidate the editors don’t want to see get elected (or in this case, re-elected).

Last week, rumors were flying that Paterson was going to resign in the aftermath of a sexual affair.  Numerous media outlets pegged the New York Times as the source of the story, which the Times flatly denied but still managed to find space to print rumors of the rumors.

Then, only a few days later, the New York Times was at it again.  This time, they hinted at a closeness between the governor and a male aide with a troubled past.  Of course, much to the delight of the Times, the Governor came to his own defense, which prompted another story of the governor denying an inappropriate relationship.

Now, today, the New York Times is at it again.  The angle now is that the Governor is “aloof” and “out of touch.” This is character assassination 101.  Stir up any controversy possible, force the target to go on the defensive, and print follow up stories of denials and defensive quotes.

Again, David Paterson isn’t really the type of candidate the Diver prefers to defend, but in this case, the New York Time’s conduct is so abhorrent and transparent that one feels sorry for Paterson.  And he’s just the latest example of this type of treatment by the New York Times and other newspapers with a political agenda.

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