Dirt Diver / Kansas

So today’s the day I take over the Republican Party and marginalize everyone I don’t like, and I can’t believe that fat slob Ron Thornburgh let me do it.  This was like taking candy from a baby (something I’m sure Ron “Pancakes” Thornburgh has done more than a few times).

Today’s the day that the Kansas Republican Party installs my #1 ally, Amanda Adkins, as the state party director.  In just a few weeks, old Fatbody won’t have a clue what hit him.

Hey, Fatbody!  You think the the state party apparatus is going to remain neutral?  Keeping thinking that way while you slather that maple syrup all over your hotcakes at IHOP, piggy.  Oink!  Oink!  Order side of bacon while you’re at it..it’ll give you a brief respite from the reality of my political noose slowly closing around your fleshy neck – that is if I can fit the rope over your fat head and double chin.

Submitted by: Fake Sam Brownback

Yeah, “Pancakes,” I’m talking to you.  I see you looking at me out of the corner of your eye here at Kansas Day.  It’s so obvious you want a piece of what I got, but let’s be honest about something, you bucktoothed tub of gravy.  If you don’t have the marbles to nominate one of your own to run the state party when you want to run for governor, then you don’t have what it takes.

What’s the problem, “Pancakes”?  Maybe you’re not an Alpha-Male, like me.  Maybe you’re a consensus-builder and you think by showing how gracious you are, people are going to like you.  Maybe your bloated cerebral cortex was so fixated on wolfing down a stack of four buttermilk hotcakes that you failed to even conceive that you got outmaneuvered at Kansas Day.

Either way, you’re playing second-fiddle this weekend to me.  Get used to it, Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.